Sunday, October 09, 2005

Ok...too many coincidences are occuring for me to ignore thinking about this anymore. First I saw a layout in one of Creating Keepsake's magazines. Faye did a layout comparing her high-powered pre-Taylor job to her now existence. It got me thinking I should do one of those. Then I have really been thinking about whether or not I should go back to work. We could really use the money, I would get some adult interaction and maybe an esteem boost once in awhile (I was always good at work and felt like I was really contributing things). But I know that I can't make enought to justify paying daycare for both boys, parking, commuting etc. So I just stopped thinking about stuff altogether. Then I jumped in to AmyK's blog to see what she was up to and she is celebrating her 2yr anniversary of being a SAHM. And she wrote an essay on it. So...I have to believe that this is very high up on my cosmic force list and I must deal with

I loveeeeee being a mom!!! I loveeeeeeee my boys, getting to see them grow, getting to be with them all the time, seeing their firsts, working at Chase's schook, teaching them what I think is right and wrong, how to be a good person, the changing seasons and their colors. But I am starting to get REALLLLLLLLLLY sick of dirty laundry, dirty house, grocery shopping, being taken for granted, never wearing nice clothes, barely having time or energy to do my hair and makeup and never getting to go anywhere. I am tired of always hearing whining and complaining (going through a trying stage right now, lol.) and having Brandon just think that he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants and I will just be there to take care of the kiddos. I am tired of having him tell me...."well...just tell me what you want to do and I will do it"....can you not see the pile of laundry needing to be put away. Can you not hear the boys asking for a snack? I just don't get it. There are times that I just want to run out the door the min he gets home. And when he gives me a hard time about scrapping....I want to throw my size 8 tennis shoe (no high heals anymore) at his big thick head!

Then comes the guilt! I remember when I was working, going to school, teaching at the gym, going out with my friends. Looking pretty darn good if I do say so (hehe) and just wanting to be married and be a mom. I have wanted to be a mom since I can remember. I wanted my own house. I wanted to stay home with my kiddos. Well....I got all I wanted, so how dare I complain!!! And my boys are such good boys. Forget the normal whining and complaining. The having to get them to really focus and stay on task. The asking them over and over to do something. The really trying to keep my patience moments. I do have it pretty easy. They are adorable first off. They are realllllllly smart....genius level even ;). They are hysterically funny, kooky, silly, loving, cuddly, kissable and just a darn right pleasure to be around. So what if I am never on time again, and I never can keep my shirt snot or smear free (I joke that mom's are the human tissue/napkin). I am loved and needed by them.

And then the cycle begins again, lol.

Anyway...just my little thought for the hour. Being a mom is great!! the greatest. Now if I can just figure out how to still be "Tracy".


mrs.S said...

Girl, I just love reading what you write! You're terribly funny, Tracy! But there's also so much truth in what you say. Don't they always say that the grass is greener somewhere else? I would love to have what you have, and be a SAHM to my would-be kids, but I know it's something we can't afford to do so I gotta work full time. Wanna switch places? LOL!!! Smoochies!!!

AmyK said...

Okay, you have said pretty much exactly what is in my head! I will have to edit my essay and get it up now! I am so with you about all the joys and frustrations. Even though I know I'm "stuck" at home until... forever... I still search the want ads some times. Sending tons of hugs!