Sunday, October 15, 2006

What a month it has been. I cannot even begin to tell you all everything that has happened and all I have felt....but I will give you a summary.

My grandmother has been a huge part of my life. When I was 8, my mom and I left my very abusive father and moved in with her, my grandpa and aunt. A few years later, we all moved to Folsom, CA together. My mom met my dad and they married...and we still all lived together. So...from the age of 8 until 16 I lived with them. Since then, we have remained very close...seeing each other all the time. She loved my boys so much. Well....along with being a wonderful woman, my grandmother had a few problems. One was cigarettes and the other was alcohol. She developed a lot of lung problems (after she quit smoking) and has been ill for years. Well...long story short...she got some stomach problems...went to the doc...they found a tumor. She went in for surgery (we were all there to wish her luck). They found tons of cancer and she really never came out of being sedated. She passed away last Sunday night. I sent my family to dinner at my cousins while I stayed.

I washed her, shaved her legs (heheh) repositioned her and then talked and talked to her. Then I cleaned up the room. Then I started to sing to her. I sang the songs I sing to the boys every night...in the same order. Twinkle twinkle little star, itsy bitsy spider, you are my sunshine, two songs I made up,zippity do da, silent night. Silent night has a special meaning to me. My mom had me at 20 and didn't know any lullabyes to sing. So she sang Silent night to me all my life. I have always sang it to my boys. So....I finished the first round and went through it again...the whole time holding her hand and rubbing her hair. The second time through silent night...she just stopped breathing. I hugged her and kissed her and told her it was ok. Then called the nurse in and my family to come back.

So...this last week I have been just trying to deal...to find my house....to be with my boys. My almost 5 year old didn't handle it too well.

It will be ok...I think.

I will be slowly getting back into things...no challenges this month...but there will be a freebie and some new kits released.

I will also resume spotlighting my guest cts.

so...hugs and love
be good to each other.

3 comments:

Julie said...

Bless you Tracy you are an angle.... You are such an amazing woman.... and with time things will get a little easier... Sounds like she was a wonderful woman and you will forever cherish those moments.....
Just know that I am here if you need anything at all sweetie... I miss you tons and you are in my thoughts and prayers daily.
Take care of you and those cutie pies.....

Luv ya
Jules

Contemplations by C said...

ah Tracy - I have tears in my eyes after reading that! What an awesome caring, giving person you are!!

Take some time for yourself. You give so much to others!
Connie

Anonymous said...

Tracy, it sounds like you did a terrific job easing your grandma out of this life and into the next. What a wonderful woman you are! God bless you and comfort you in the days ahead.